Mr. Levine. Adam. Can I call you Adam? I’m calling you Adam. Because we need to dispense with the formalities here. There’s something pressing to discuss. You have made…well, let’s call it a decision. You have decided, for whatever the hell reason, that shaving the sides of your head and bleaching the remaining hair and putting that remaining hair in cornrows was a good idea.
Adam, it was not a good idea.
I don’t know what it’s like to be you, Adam. I am not the lead singer of pop-rock sensation Maroon 5. I have also never performed at the Super Bowl with Maroon 5, and therefore my shirt choice for such an occasion has never inspired countless memes. There are more differences, I’m sure. I guess all I’m saying is: We look at this crazy world of ours from different angles. That’s fine!
But now I have seen your hair. And it isn’t the kind of hair that begs the question, “Is everything okay?” Because once you see it, you know the answer. Everything is not okay.
I know you’re entering a new phase of your life and career. Leaving The Voice after a whopping eight seasons is a big step! But one thing most hair stylists will advise you is that making a big hair change in the midst of a big life change can be a dicey proposition. It may feel cathartic, but it also may be a bad idea.
Here’s the thing, Adam. The hair? It ain’t great. There is, right off the bat, the fact that it’s not a good look for a white dude to rock a traditionally black hairstyle like this, as it smacks of cultural appropriation. There’s also the whole “it looks ridiculous even stripped of any cultural context” thing. Also not great! Maybe you’re just doing the whole novelty, zany hair thing on a lark, and you’ll soon be getting rid of your “corn hawk.” That, actually, would be kind of great.
But in the meantime, Adam, chin up, man. New beginnings are exciting! Especially once you bust out the clippers and get rid of that bizarre follicular baggage on the top of your head.